night thoughts

Came across this photo few minutes ago (taken by my mother a year ago while visiting me) and realized I feel all like this in this period of time. 

Everything seems so beautiful and perfect on the background as the sunset, but then there is some unknown space like the ocean and you never see the end. And it feels I am really lost somewhere between two boats and should figure out which one will take me to that beautiful horizon and show me the wonderful world and made me discover myself more and more. But I am all out of focus - how can I make some decision if I can't even see myself? I can differ some parts of me, sometimes even see my face, but it's not the complete image.

Time - become my best friend and give me the courage to see the real me and step forward to my boat. 

Emma

March 11 night thoughts, 2011.

1.47 AM

very strange coincidences - destiny!

Some five years ago when I was working in one IT company as QA-engineer I was dreaming of leaving on some lost island, seeing those exotic countries in Africa. That time it seemed so unreal - it was just a dream. 

Today I found my archive CD-s from that time. In one of them I found a folder named My Pictures, all the staff I saved that time (I was just getting into photography and got so much inspirational folders). So after a while surfing in those folders and remembering all the feelings I had that time I came across a folder named Africa! in it I found several folders with the names of African countries. Each folder contained some amount of photos from those countries. And you know what I found? Mauritius! this is not all, it would be uninteresting just finding a folder with a name of country you are living in. You know there are looooots of hotels in Mauritius, but in this folder I got the photo of the one I did my first wedding shoot in Mauritius! La Plantation..

would I even imagine that time I would be here?..and after some 5-6yrs later opening completely exotic folder for that time I would find the place I felt in love with so long ago.. life is strange - thats why I love it! with lot's of surprises and coincidences (which is actually destiny for me).

Yes, now I strongly believe this is not a coincidences I appeared here - I was meant to be here! 

PS: providing the photos I found in that folder :) 

that La Plantation Hotel, where I did the wedding shoot ( for photos click here )

the same Pamplemousses (Grapefruit from french translation)

Pamplemousses Gardens, when I first got here I told "this is heaven garden!"

the famous photo of the island!

want to figure out which hotel is this..hmm..any suggestions?

re-feeling

I'm too lazy to get to night procedures before sleeping.. lazy to take off my contact lenses and makeup (well if I was out that day).. so that laziness brings me to "late sleeping" issue. Well I don't mind as long as I don't have to wake up early in the morning. But anyway I am just being honest to me. I'm feeling sleepy as from 11 evening but watched a movie and it finished some 40 mins ago and I'm still not in the bed. 

I went to my old pics and came across one painting I did couple of years ago and posted to my fb some album. Under the album I also got some description/explanation to some people what does it mean.

The reason I started writing this post (as usual with long introduction which may annoy some ppl:) is that after watching the painting smt inside me told "Emma, you are sort of again in this state".

So here is the painting and the description I provided recently, I want to keep this in my blog. Somehow I feel the blog as my diary and going back to my old posts makes me remember the way I was/am and which direction I am being changed..but still the same somewhere there inside..

Good night Mauritius, good night world.

1. Q. eating yourself?

A. exactly!

2. Q. euh...please xplain...i can see a women in a sort of water, she seem to have legs like spiderand fishes etc.

A. nothing to explain, it's the way I felt. it's more about being in some state (let's say on water) and running on it/in it. from one unknown state to other, but still staying there. it's like when u try to scream in your dream but no voice comes out.. complicated.

PS: some mathematics :)

      Q=question

      A=answer

depression

this is a day of depression. everything seems incomplete.

I woke up early at 10am (taking into account what time I usually wake up). 

I didn't felt my body, it seemed like I don't have any energy in me and that in reality I don't really control my body. My body was a stranger for me. I walked a bit, stayed awake for some one hour walking  around , then.. guess what happened? went lied on the sofa and again felt asleep! 

1-1.5 hrs of additional sleep, I thought after that I would wake up with some energy but ended up with more under-controlled body. 

I don't feel my legs.. 

maybe I don't feel the ground.. 

I wish I felt it..

I don't want to see this upset eyes in front of me the whole day. 

Mirror! - I liked you so much yesterday! I hate you today!

no, this is not me today. It's me couple of weeks ago. I don't want to be photographed today.

about happiness

maybe this is when u get a question "how are you ? " and instantly and honestly answer "I'm great!".. and everyone around feels you are shining!

this happens to me recent couple of months.. I'm happy! I found my dreamroad!

Me and my treasure light of the island

Recently I somehow feel very complete and in harmony with my inner personality. I felt in love with this island lost on the map..and I found my treasure light here..

I feel I have to express my self more and more now..need to share, feel and feel alive! 

I got some paper and painting colors but didn't have any brushes..it didn't stopped my will to paint today. I took the colors, the paper and 2 cups of water to my terrace, which overlooks this beautiful Mauritian cemetery and starting painting. I didn't know what I am painting. First I made the paper whet and afte was just deeping my fingers into the colors and touching the paper. After a while I realized I am painting my current state. 

The way I feel..complicated but full of bright light from everywhere..that white dots, the most pure light ever.. colorful, full of life..I know that big complicated thing is always a part of me, but I started loving it. That makes me be in peace with it. Now it's manageable. Manageable when I am one with myself. 

I am happy to find you light - now I know who I am.

News

1. I am doing big Mauritian fairies Series and finally started my photo blog, now you can follow my photolines here http://thiternik-photo.blogspot.com/. Will keep the page updated - new shoots coming very soon.

2. redesigned current blog to make it lighter and more user friendly

see the rest at photo-blog